Chill. The Fuck. Out.

I have a post for you! Yippee hooraaay! After my previous plea for inspiration, I decided to give up on blogging completely for the evening by forcing myself to do something that I rarely do. Relax. There are only two activities that can make this pent up ball of "aaagh!" chill out, and I can't do one of them because he's sleeping (haha, I can hear you sicking up in your mouths as I type!), so I did the other - I took a bath. At eleven at night when I should really be sleeping too. It's way past my bed time, you guys.

A good chunk of my post ideas come to be while I'm in the bath or shower - now there's a mental image that'll stick with you. Sorry! Something about being immersed in skin sloughingly hot water makes my mind go a bit melty round the edges, freeing it of all my usual self inflicted destructive thought patterns (I'm not joking - my brain's voice is like the Magic Roundabout theme. Deeply unsettling and without apparent end.), so that the ideas get a shot at swimming to the top.

I wasn't exaggerating when I said that there is very little that I can do to relax. I think I was born without that bit of the brain. If I'm not doing something productive, then I'm losing precious seconds as I'm forever inching closer and closer to death and GOOD GOD, DO SOMETHING NOW, FOR YOU COULD DIE AT ANY MOMENT!! ACHIEVE STUFF IMMEDIATELY!!!!

So, naturally, most typically "relaxing" activities aren't for me. I will give you some of my reactions to things that are supposed to calm people down and make them all peaceful and shit:

- Reading a book: I like that character! I HATE that character! Actually, they're alright now. Even kind of loveable. Wait. Why are bad things happening?! Aww, it all worked out in the en-.....WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DIED??

- Jogging: I'm doing great! Look at me go! Lovely day, nice smooth road....getting a bit out of breath now, actually. Must have got quite far...keep going...all good...fuck...have to stop. Get breath...back.

*turns around*

How can I still see my front door from here?!

- Listening to slow music: So many emotions!! Who did this to you to make you so sad? I will hunt them down and kill them for you and we will run off into the sunset begin a new life together!

- Watching TV: Wasting time wasting time wasting time...why aren't I doing anything productive? Maybe if I clean something while I watch it, it'll alleviate the guilt...

*knocks over lamp with arse as turns around to watch pivotal scene*

Ah, fuck. Forgot I couldn't multi task. Wait. What happened? Did someone die? Stupid lamp!!

- Comfort eating: I LOVE FOOD SO MUCH, IT MAKES ME WANT TO DANCE!!....I feel sick.


I think it's pretty evident that I am not a chilled out person, and I don't expect I'll ever be. At twenty five, I think I am an adult equivalent of a toddler bombing around the house between fits of crying, raging, snacking and uncontrollably laughing until they eventually pass out suddenly at the end of each day from pure exhaustion... Only to arise wise the sun and do it all again, much to their long suffering family's detriment. And I think I'm alright with that. Sometimes. Maybe. I mean, should I be alright with that? Or is it bad for my health? Maybe I should Google it. Ooh, I haven't watched 30 Rock yet, have I? No, TV is laziness and laziness is wastefulness. I'm hungry. Is it midnight already??

*collapses*

Aaaand Relaaaax.....

Okay. So I've decided to relax. Because relaxation isn't something I'm naturally adept at, I have to consciously choose when to have a bash at doing the chillout thing.

I've had a full day at work, ponced about doing a little freelancin' (I'm going to use every opportunity going to tell you that I do freelance work now, because to my dorky little ears, it sounds like to coolest thing EVER!!), and now the time has come to wind down because it's a Friday night and I have the house to myself. Laaahvlee!

But. I'm stressing out. I have to make a decision to relax, and then a plan of action as to how I'm going to do this. I could:

- Sit under a blanket and watch TV
- Play Skyrim until my eyes bleed
- Continue reading Tina Fey's Bossypants, which I'm adoring so far
- Veg in the bath...oooh, I loves a good bath!
- Bung a film on. I borrowed Perks Of Being a Wallflower...

Trouble is, I can't decide which of these things I want to do so, naturally, I'm turning my free time into an opportunity to stress myself out. Which do I want to do the most? What will be the most relaxing thing to do? It's not hard, JUST PICK SOMETHING AND DO IT, YOU ANXIOUS, CRAZY PRICK!!

*breathes into a paper bag*

I should not be allowed free time to myself. It's not good for me.