Proper Crimbo

Ooh, I've been itching to blog! On account of some sandal-wearer's birthday, I've had to spend nearly 48 WHOLE hours away from the computer, in the company of a bunch of people I'm related to. 'Mare.


Loljokes, I love my family. Roflcopter.

I'm sure you don't want to hear about every sprout induced gaseous emission and unplanned nap that occurred throughout the day, and I'm sure you've got lots of shiny new things to play with too (see previous post), so I will break down my Crimbo Day to you in a handy highlights package:

* Woken up at 8am (coughsplutterwhatnow?!) by the elder of the household. My mother. Lots of unsubtle loud furniture moving and heater putting-on to rouse us from our (me, 2 sisters, 1 step patriarch) slumbers.

* Received what felt like a zillion bajillion gifts. All of which were incredibly thoughtful and lovely. Some edible. Mmm.

* Ate body weight of large army in turkey, pâté, veg, booze, potatoes etc. Gut hated me. Refused some cheese on the grounds that I might experience multiple simultaneous innard ruptures if eat more food.

* Proceeded to eat shitload of cheese, crackers, chocolate, jam etc. Spleen etc still intact...so far.

* Given waaaay too many cocktails by Grandad, who bought a book especially for the occasion. He did a ruddy good Woo Woo. Sex On The Beach a bit iffy though.

* To own horror, Grandad asked if I'd like to "try some syphillis...it's Chinese!"

Turned out to be a Chinese fruit...phasylis (sp?). Tasted vaguely like sick.

* Played drinking snakes and ladders with sisters.

* Lost drinking snakes and ladders against sisters.

* Missed A.

* Told by my mum that I take after my Nana most. Nana enters right on cue, in some inside out pyjama trousers.

* Pissed, I convince myself that I have a fat face and decide to tell everybody about this for at least twenty minutes. Jury is still out on that one.

* Annual family walk home to parents' house up creepy, pitch black hill. I take this as an opportunity to scare the living shit out of littlest (15 y.o) sis. Repeatedly.

* Pre recorded Eastenders is located by parents on Sky. Christmas officially over for me, I retire to bed.


I hope you had as lovely a Christmas as I did, and were showered with love, gifts, turkey and the inevitable family farts that follow dinner too!

I also hope that you're all back in work tomorrow as well. Because if you aren't, then I'm afraid I'll have to hate you and all you stand for.

Sorry, bro, just the way it is...