Marathon Running For Mortals

As with anything I have the remotest interest in, as soon as I decided to sign up for a marathon, I've immediately started to ingest any and all information I can find on it like something hungry... that eats books.  Something more original sounding than "bookworm"... Knowledge Beaver? I don't know. It's nearly my bedtime, leave me alone.

Point is, for me, it's not a hobby if I haven't completely nerded out on it first. 

First book I've got my greedy mitts on on the subject is John "the penguin" Bingham (if you're a slower runner like me, look him up. Guy's an inspiration!) and coach Jenny Hadfield's Marathon Running For Mortals.  I've already read Bingham's No Need For Speed and enjoyed that, so made sense to seek out his waddly wisdoms first.

Devoured the thing in a couple of days.  It's rather good!  Full of memorable quotes and tips to do squiggly lines under in biro (not pencil.  Biro makes them super important).  Here are a couple of quotes that got the squiggle treatment from me:

"If you climb too slowly, you find yourself getting bored with the pace and the activity.  If you climb too quickly, you find yourself so winded that you can't enjoy the beauty of the experience... You should find the place between boredom and exhaustion."

"Long distance success is more about tenacity than talent."

"You may not be in the top tier of that race, but as a long-distance athlete, you are fitter,better trained and more disciplined than 99 per cent of the population who have ever lived. Remind yourself of that when you start to obsess about your pace or finish time."

And most importantly

"It's all about the medal."

Too right, Mr Bingham.  Too right!

It Aint So Bad...

Happy day-after-Halloween!  I hope you're also suffering a food hangover from the excess Haribo you bought for the Trick-or-Treaters that never came.  I think 80 mini bags might have been a smidge ambitious.  Oh, well.

I read a bloody good book last week.  I'm partial to autobiographical essay books (Lena Dunham's Not That Kind of Girl, Tina Fey's Bossypants, anything by Augusten Burroughs and so on and on and on...), and while I was scanning my bookshelf for something to re-read until payday came around and I could buy something new/re-enter into society, I found that we've had one that I'd not read, sitting there for nearly three years screaming:

OI, DIPSHIT!! You bought me because you knew I'd be good, so just bloody read me already!!

...Or probably something a bit less crass, because it was by Derren Brown.  Confessions of a Conjuror is brilliant.  It's just one great, big, weird train-of-thought narrative where he meanders from card tricks, to odd habits and even at one point to instructions on how to poach an egg.  

My favourite bits were lists he'd made of his odd compulsions, many of which I found I have in common e.g When driving, he has an urge to just close his eyes and see what happens.  I've never acted it out, but on several occasions, I've thought;

"If I just locked the steering wheel right now, would I survive the crash?" Not even in a morbid way, just a kind of mild curiosity, knowing I'd never really act on the impulse.*  All the way through the book, I wanted to create some similar lists of my own, and I've settled on "borrowing" his idea of listing the things we find oddly pleasurable despite always avoiding doing them until the last minute (like cleaning the house and coming over all calm because the chaos around you is dormant at last).  Mostly because I felt more people are prone to procrastination over mildly pondering their own demise on a quick jaunt to Tesco.  Here goes:

Doing the Dishes

Just being in the house with more unwashed dishes than is necessary makes me edgy, but instead of just buggering on and doing them, I will huff and glare at the house's other occupants (cat included) and bore holes in their skulls with my eyes for not reading my mind and doing them for me.  The second I pick up a sponge, I relax.  Something lovely about having my hands all warm and knowing I'm actually getting shit done when I eventually get around to it.  Household chores are rarely as bad as I imagine they'll be.  Helps that I distract myself with Netflix on the iPad while I'm doing it.  I have to trick myself into chores.  Same goes for cleaning the house.  Anything's possible when Spotify's blaring and you're dancing around the house in your pants.


Running

As is the case with anyone that claims running as a hobby, it's hard to love it all the time.  Despite what those smiley ladies on the cover of Runners World imply.  Sometimes it sucks balls and makes you feel like you're going to poop out your lungs.  These pant soiling runs are fewer and further between than the good, average and elated ones, but like a negative comment in a sea of compliments, it's always the negative memories that rise to the top -  especially when you're tired from work and it looks a bit icky outside.  It's easy to forget that the hardest bit is getting yourself in your stretchy things and out the door.  Again, the reality is nearly always better than the expectation.  That horrid drizzle turns into skin cooling "ahhhh"-ness (another scientific term, I swear), and your fatigue buggers off because you're body's way too busy trying not to fall over itself to remember how tired it is.  Before long, you're bouncing back in the door and chewing everyone's ear off about how great running is, having completely forgotten that just an hour ago you were hunched in the doorway with one trainer on, crying a bit about having to go out in the cold.

Remembering to Eat Like a Human

...as opposed to a being that runs solely on Maoams and trifle. Sweets, cakes and anything else promising me an immediate sugar fix make me feel like crap.  If I'm not doing that thing where one leg bounces of its own accord in a bid to rid me of the excess energy I'm consuming faster than I can use, I'm sitting bolt upright and asleep, head thrown back and drooling because I've fallen into a mini, snack induced coma.  Brain knows that sweeties are the Devil incarnate and I can get naff all done on them, but it takes a long time for my body to catch on. It thinks it needs them. As soon as I chill out and start doing that moderation thing I hear so much about, I become able to stay awake for an entire day without unplanned naps, and people don't have to gauge whether I'm in my manically happy I'm-going-to-talk-so-fast-at-you-your-ears-will-bleed phase, or whether I'm going to start chewing on their fingers until they give me Haribo.  Better for everyone when I'm sweetie-sober.

...And there we have it! Seriously, though.  Read Confessions.  It's much better!  

Speaking of putting things off, I finally bit the bullet and signed up to my first full marathon.  I chose the Liverpool Rock 'n' Roll marathon.  Mostly because there's a band at every mile and I'll need as much distraction from the "what the fuck am I doing?!" thoughts I'm going to be having. I'm scared, confused about how I'm going to fit in CrossFit into a useable training plan that won't kill me, bewildered... but most of all, I'm excited!  I cannot picture for the life of me how I'm going to manage to keep moving for upwards of five hours, but I'll certainly give it a good crack!  No motion, no medal!  I'll keep you updated as my training progresses.  Wish me luck!

 

Bwaaaah!! =oO

* That reminds me of another one my sister and I share.  During conversations with people, we've both admitted to occasionally playing out completely inappropriate behaviour in our minds that we wouldn't dare do in reality.  These mental excursions usually worsen if the conversation is a serious one.  I find myself wondering things like

"If I just licked her on the nose and carried on as normal, would she react, or would she be too polite/freaked out to do anything?"

and

"What if I slapped him really hard for no reason?  How angry would he be with me?"  

These are conversations with anyone.  People I love. People I barely know.  I reckon (hope) most people have these funny little fantasies along the lines of what is the worst thing I could possibly do in this situation?  If no, at least it seems to run in my family, so I'm not totally alone!

10 Reasons (to buy 10 Things)

Okay, so I may have been distracted by something shiny after I said I'd report back once my eBook was ready. So, several days down the line....

Holy shit, it's ready, you guys!!

-----> HERE IS THE LINK TO MY NEW EBOOK... LOOK AT IT!!! LOOK!!! <-----

 

10 Things is a collection of 10 ([gasp]) topics/lists and bits of waffle about the stuff that preoccupies my fragile little mind every day.  You may have noticed that most of my blog posts feature a list somewhere withiin them.  This is because I have an incredibly poor attention span and often forget how to communicate in paragraphs halfway through a post. This book is basically just a longer, sillier, more drawn out version of this here blog.

So if you like this here blog, then please do me the kindness of clicking on my super subtle link at the top of the page, and feed my need for attention by reading.  Because, reader, you are so very, very good at reading.  You might even get a medal after doing so for being such a stellar reader.

Disclaimer:  You won't get a medal.  Sorry.

If a total lack of medal isn't enough to get you interested, then fear not!  I also have a list of why you should buy my book of lists, so you won't be able to resist (ha, rhymes)!  I even put in pictures to make it super accessible.  One aims to please.

1.  Reading makes you smart.  This lady reads all the time, and look how smart she is:

 

So smart.

2.  You obviously have a problem and a burning need to read lists.  Otherwise, why would you be reading a list about a bunch of lists?

3.  10 Things is a paltry 77p.  Less than most Greggs pasties, so you shan't go hungry, my corned beef loving compadres!

4.  It's an eBook, so no one will see that you bought a book off of a girl with validation issues who lives on the internet.  Simply flick on your Kindle, and if anyone asks, you can tell them you're reading A Brief History of Time or similar.  Because you so smart (see above example of smartness).

5.  You can read the whole thing in under an hour.  Not because I wrote the whole first draft in a single day and had to stop because of a mild case of hurty fingers.  Honest.

6.  I will keep nagging you until you do read it.  You may even wake up one day to this:

 "Hey, friend. You reading my book yet??"

7.  In the books' ePages, you may uncover the meaning of life.

8.  Clue:  It's cake. 

9.  If you don't have a Kindle, you could download the Kindle App for free...or... use this book as an excuse to purchase a Kindle and buy it lots of fabbylous covers and jackets, like you're Paris Hilton and the Kindle is a chihuahua.  Albeit one that doesn't shit in your purse.

10.  If I save up enough 77ps, maybe I can finally pay someone to teach this poor sod how to dance:

Have a heart.  Buy 10 Things today.

NEWSFLASH!!! I love moving! Also eating!!

No, I've not gone simple on you.  I've just spent about a week solid feeling pretty fucking terrific and I want to share my nauseating happiness with the world wide scary, faceless web.  Hello, chums!

I started a new job, after my former workmates and current mates surprised me on my final day with a cheese buffet in my honour.  I've never cried over cheese before.  That was either a new high or a new low.  Not sure, but the cheese was the balls!

This past week, I've met lots of new faces, met up with some familiar faces and eaten the flesh off the bones of some strangers' faces.  

That last bit was a lie.  Just wanted to check if you were laying attention.  Good job, you.  

So... The main reasons for my chipper outlook:

MOVING!!  

Been soldiering on through my Spartan 30 challenge and been taking daily, pretty-dull-to-most pictures of...honestly, mostly my feet and face on Instagram.  Observe:

Thrilling stuff, I know.  Pleased to say I've not missed a day walking or running a mile yet.  Maybe except for today because I swam instead.  But that still counts, right?  

Screw you, it counts!!

Bar from a long run that turned into a 2 mile sprint-limp-waddle because of cramping ankles from not resting enough (rookie error - spose I'll learn eventually), it's been a good little challenge!  I've been getting in from work with a brain soaked in new stuff I'm supposed to remember and barely any energy.  Normally, especially with the weather the way it's been (shit. Wet. Rainy. Cold....y'know...British), I'd have curled into the fetal position on at least a couple of nights and made some excuses.  But, getting outside and at least doing a bit every night has given me an extra boost of "fuck yeah!" at the end of the day.

So, where I'd usually be a frowny, napping Becky shaped sofa cushion at the end of the day, I've been an irritatingly springy, talky bag of "what shall we do now?!" before hitting the sack and crashing out like a toddler after a sweety fix.  I thoroughly recommend getting off your arse and running around in the rain a bit when you least feel like it.  The buzz you get just for having survived leaving the house of your own free will is immense!

FOOD! 

Over the weekend, I decided that I wanted to know a bit more about food.  I love food, I love people who bring me food, but up until now, I've given zero fucks about what my food is actually for.  

People who have been running far longer than me have repeatedly been harping on at me about the importance of nutrition.  Usually while my eyes glaze over and I still have cake in my teeth and stray Haribo down my bra.

Curiosity eventually got the better of me when I stumbled across a book review on www.jezebel.com (if you is a lady -or a man- and you live in the internets like I do, visit the site! It's like a glossy magazine but without the rubbish bits and added sarcasm where it's needed most!).  

The review was on a simple guide about the body - how it utilises food, benefits from excercise.... Basically how to be nice to it and not starve or bloat it or just generally be mean to it.  It's packed full of interesting, accessible if basic science (perfect for the clueless and forgetful like myself - I barely recall school, let alone biology) and actual, useable, helpful tips on how to keep yourself roadworthy.

And it's written by Cameron Diaz.  It's called the Body Book and is only about six measly quid on Kindle right now.

I know!! But the fact that it's written in her cool, friendly voice makes it even better and to her credit, the lady knows her shit!  She's done her research!  I didn't plan on changing my eating habits, and am not claiming that the book is a total lifestyle changer, but I've been actually paying attention to what I'm eating for the last couple of days and I've found myself actually wanting to pick good stuff as opposed to nutritionally empty, sugar filled stuff (and I LOVE nutritionally empty sugar filled stuff!).  

As a result, especially today, I have been clear headed, energetic, happy and weirdly focused. To state the glaringly obvious, food really does affect your overall mood.  Hurrah for food!  Hurrah for Cameron Diaz!

My only worry is that I'll end up going off cake and sweets.  It'd feel like losing part of my identity.  If not a Haribo & cheese beast, what am I? 

*whistful stare*

...nah, I won't go off cheese and sweets.  

But it was the perfect my first guide to nutrition kind of book for me, and I can't wait to learn more about what I get to eat that'll give me super powers!

...uh?!

Currently reading Oliver Sacks' The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat. For those who haven't read it, it's a collection of descriptions of Sacks' neurology patients. I've just stumbled upon a pretty uncanny description of myself. Spooky!!

From now on, I am referring to myself as a "motor moron". Makes me sound like a crap transformer.

Uh oh. I've discovered audio books. Currently listening to Before I Go To Sleep by S J Watson... It's like...reading, but you can, like...do other stuff at the same time!

Mind.

Blown.

Tttp ri iting.....?!

To translate the featured image:

"Hmmm.... Type writing harder than initially thought. Balls."

Having a play on my Christmas present. Been home from work since six, and have basically done whatever the fuck I like since I got in. I have:

- shovelled McDonalds down my neck hole
- read second half of Miranda Hart's 'Is It Just Me?', which I started yesterday (so, so good! I am a secret reader of self help literature when I can get away with it, and this book of silly spoke to me way more than any Paul Baldy-Smug McKenna bollocks ever could! READ IT! READ IT NOW!!!)
- half-watched A playing Assassin's Creed, occasionally interjecting with insightful comments such as "You could never survive jumping off a big, tall, pointy thing like that in real life!"

Now A has retired to bed, and I find myself bubbling with childish energy. So, after a half arsed five minute attempt at sleeping, I banished myself from the bed before I started bouncing on it. I'm now sat in a living room that looks like a bomb site, gleefully bashing away at blog spot (at the keyboard...not..bashing away..not like that! I like blogging, but not that much! Filth.).

I'm going to attack the type writer again, perhaps eat some More Haribo...

Perhaps figure out why my legs are bouncing around of their own accord while I'm sat on them...

*twitch*

I LOVE being a Grown Up. No bed time for meeee!!! Ahahahahaaa!!



*faceplants carpet, snoring*